Assignment 1: Your Bad Baby Name
We’ve all heard stories about people with horrible names. In fact, my book is all about that. But the truth is that many people are not happy with their perfectly normal names. Here’s what I want from you:
If you could pick any name to be yours, what would it be? You can choose to change your first, middle, last, or any combination of the three. I’ll be okay if you change your name to something normal, but I’d really love it if you picked something awesome. Mine is Excalibur Scorpius Rayback (which you would know, if you read my book–remember how I have no problem with shameless self-promotion?).
Bring it on.
I came across this message by Linda Erland when searching my Hooper ancestors on genforum.com:
“I have an ancestor named Toliver Mansell. And you will love his grandson’s name - Semitoliver Mansell! Isn’t that a hoot?”
My response was:
“How funny! That name, Semitoliver, makes me think of the British way of naming eighth, 16th, 32nd & 64th notes in music - quaver, semiquaver, demisemiquaver, and hemidemisemiquaver. I wonder if the family continued this and named the next in line Demisemitoliver?”
Peter Missing, Marysville, California Phone book <about 1966
When I was a college freshman, my friend and I got into a conversation about awful names we were glad weren’t ours. She knew a young woman whom we both agreed had the worst name: Renel Scheklotze. (I am guessing at the spelling.) It wasn’t until many years later that the subject came up again and I learned that the unfortunate woman’s name was actually Renelshe Klotze. But I still think it ranks up at the top. As for my own legal name, Linda, I took it upon myself when I went away to college to change it to Gina, being an unusual and exotic and alluring name to my mind. Something like 25% of all girl babies were given the name Linda the year that I was born (1949), and I was tired of being one of many. So in my senior year of high school, my best friend (another Linda!) and I decided to change our names. She dropped out of college after the first semester and I never heard from her again, so I don’t know how long she kept it or if she changed it legally. I didn’t. PS - My mother has called me Gina all these years!
The worst I saw as an obstetrical nurse was the girl whose mother named her PLACENTA as the firstof five names and planned on calling her the first!!I always wondered what happened to her.
When I was a young child growing up I hated my middle name and was always teased. It was Everard! I thought that my parents were so cruel to give a girl that name. It wasn’t until I was an adult and beginning to learn about my family history that I understood Everard was my paternal grandmother’s maiden name. What an honour!
One of my earliest ancestors was named Wayte-A-While Makepeace…
I can only assume because her dad was 45 and mother 36 when she was born in Massachusetts on 22 May 1641.
Then of course there was Nebraska Duncan, the daughter of Green P. Duncan. (My mother’s mother was a Duncan.)
My grandmother used to talk about her best friend Ophilia and how kids teased her. It wasn’t until I was a older that she told me why she was teased. Her name was Ophilia Rass.
Yes but I heard of another woman with the given name Ophelia only her last name was Dix.
I have female ancestors with these names:
Experince, Obedience, Thankful, and Deliverance.
My Grandfathers name was Lihue Almos, I always wondered as a child why he was called LA, now I know!! You would think he would be pretty easy to locate with that name.
I am fascinated by odd names. My own is OK with me. I have a distant cousin named Julius Fugard Dammann IV. My son is named Lorane (for his father & grandfather) and married a girl named Jerrie. This has led to much confusion. Two of the favorites I have seen in my professional days were a male named Ribben Hence and a female named Drucilla Raspberry. Ancestors named Waitstill, Reliance, Silly ( wonder if a nickname for Priscilla), Lotchagotcha, Ducky Skaggs, Theophilus, Experience, Lophelia, Tryphema,Nazera Tragg, Remembrance, and last names that could be unfortunate like Pile, Hoar, Belcher.
My step dad was Elmer Francis Stabb, my niece is Davina Edwina Medina, both complilations of family names, and my brother named and calls his kids both Casey (K.C.) Jones, Knarly Curl (he didn’t know until I told him that Gnarly is spelled with a ‘G’) and Keeley Cane. No reason for these names, just downright silliness.
A friend of mine had a teacher who she claimed was named Harry Sachs - something I did not believe until I met his own son, Richard!
I also had a high school teacher who named his son Richard. Unfortunately for the poor boy, his last name was Lis.
One of my mom’s friends named her daughter Summer, which wasn’t too bad except her last name was Schauer…
My mother related a story about how she went to high school with a kid named Harry Balls. She produced positive evidence in her annual from 1964. I had the good fortune to attend high school with Adam Boob. I’m at the top of the list for difficult names, but not a BAD one!
A classmate’s brother was named Beacher Sack…it’s hard for highschoolers to resist masturbation jokes!
There are several Richard Heads in Northern California - the usual nickname has to be problematic.
The only thing I would change about my name is the spelling. Militza has a better chance of correct pronunciation than Milica.
My sister got a few giggles when she went for a geology major though… Her first and middle name: Crystal Jade.
I did go to highschool around the time a girl named Bear Hunt went there.
There was a relative on my mother’s side in the early 1800’s named Christian Easterday. There was also a family among my father’s 1600’s Swedish colonist ancestors in what is now Philadelphia whose surname was Cock. They changed that pretty quickly. Also on my father’s side was a Smiley T. Dunkelberger.
I would avoid naming a child Anita. I went to school with Anita Dick, and I worked with Anita Mann.
I agree Anita is a name to avoid. I know of a woman named Anita who married a man named Thomas Tickle. When giving her full name she paused or cleared her throat between the two names.
Tragedy was avoided though when Mr. Tickle didn’t marry a girl he dated named Theresa whose nickname was Tess.
I did know of a person named Tess Stickle
I had a friend with the name Dennis Ball.
When in high school, I had classmates who were cousins, named Spring Joy and Autumn (something common). They were friendly with another girl on the cheerleading squad, Sunshine Centennial.
As an adult I once worked with a woman of Asian descent whose name was pronounced “Shining Shoe.” She preferred to use the Western family-name-last convention for obvious reasons.
My family name is North. A distant relative once married a West - unfortunately well before the days when a woman would hyphenate her last name!
I wouldn’t change my name, Blue, if I got a big cash prize. It has been a great advantage in my eyes (which are blue). People remember meeting me. My powers of sarcasm, honed by years of responding to people calling me by different names, are formidable. Also, it’s a gorgeous range of color that reminds people of seas and skies. What could be better?
Hi, I hope you dont mind me saying but your name is fabulous. Me and my partner are expecting in one week and have chosen the name Blue. It is an amazing name.
I grew up in Sonoma County CA and went to school with a guy named Duncan Mills. If you hail from that area you get it immediately, if you don’t check the map for a small town on the Sonoma County coast.
I went to elementary school with a girl named Chevrolet. We called her Chevy. Supposedly, she has sisters named after cars as well.
I have 3 great aunts who’s names together I find wrather poetic if somewhat odd. They are; Lavona, Ramona and Jarlo.
Here’s another one for your list of people with animal last names: My mom had mentioned that she went to college (in Iowa in the early ’40s) with a woman named Frieda Chicken. I just checked the 1930 Census on Ancestry and found her in Union County IA as - even better - Frieda B Chicken!
I currently go to college with a girl named Mercedes Bent (her parents apparently thought this would be hilarious) and a girl named Rheeqrheeq (pronounced re-re). God knows what these parents were trying to do to their poor children!
A friend of mine who is a teacher in Chicago related the following story: On the first day of class, as she was reading off the names of the new first graders, she stumbled, as she came to the name Smith: She called out “Vajeana Smith” and a little voice came back “My name ain’t Vajeana its Vajeyena.! One of her colleagues had a child named “Asia Minor” in her class, another had the first name “Trajedi.” I can’t imagine such names are an advantage in life!
A few weeks before my sister graduated from college, she went to get a copy of her transcript. The student ahead of her in line gave his first and middle name as O. D. B. The clerk wasn’t satisfied. The student said he goes by his initials. The clerk insisted. The student gave in — his name was Our Dear Baby.
We wondered how his name appeared on his diploma.
I heard you on the radio this am. I loved the show. I have been fascinated with names since I learned how to read.
I have always disliked my name - Donna. I do like thistles, my favorite flower. I recently found out that the Latin - cardonnacum - means the place where thistles are grown. Finally, a reason to like my name.
My husband had a grandfather in 1600s Philadelphia area named Lasse Cock. He must be related to Bill, March 11, 9:23am. He also had a grandmother in 1600s Massachusetts named Freelove Norris.
There is Wisconsin stock car racer - Dick Trickle- and former Supt. of Schools, Montgomery Co. MD - Harry Pitt.
My 3rd child went without a name until age 21 when she named herself. She was able to get a ss card, passport and driver’s license without a birth certificate. Finally, she was refused a driver’s license in MD although she had one in another state. She had to get a birth certificate. It was a lot easier than we thought it would be.
My husband and I brainstormed bad baby names while I was pregnant, and he came away with the all-time winner: Vagil (for a boy). As far as I know, nobody is stuck with the name. But as far as bad baby names go, that one is awful!
I checked the census and there are actually several Vagils.
On closer inspection, some of them were definitely “Virgil,” but I found at least one true “Vagil. Eesh.
The worst name I have ever heard is Uranus. All of the children in that family were named after planets with one of them unfortuanetly getting stuck with Uranus. She was teased all the time in school. Poor girl, wonder if she changed her name…
I went to high school with a girl named Viana Ostria. One of our teachers was William Will, known as Bill Will. His cousin William Will was known as Will Will. I worked as a long distance assistance operator for five years and collected unusual names (the only fun we had). A personal fave was Marijuana Brockton, in the Midwest. Honey Bear Love, a minister. And Vitalis Jenkins - his mother got the name off the bottle in the bathroom.
I am descended from Philander Moore. He was a Revolutionary War Veteran. I have often wondered if the definition of “philandering” came from him.
A couple of months ago an obituary in the local paper told of the death of infant named - and I kid you not - Nycholas Kenndryck Jaimes [surname]. Now If conventional spelling had been used, it would have been a fine name - if a tad too long. But what they chose is just so painfully bad in so many different ways, where does one begin? I want to feel bad for these parents over their loss, I really do, but all I can think of is how the kid has been spared daily ridicule.
While inputting names into the family tree database a couple of months ago, I encountered Agnes Tryphena and her brother Thorphyn Dedrick. (Thorphyn is actually starting to grow on me. I would never use it for an actual person, but I may use it in a story sometime.)
Other unusual names other than uber trendy ones, ones with cutesie spellings, or once common/now rarely used:
Alba Helmine, Ilda, Marvel, Earling, Gilma, Fayie, Myrtice, Thankville, Roxyl, Jofrid, Imo Mae, Mathtryn, Cheynne & Valgene.
And then there was Hopestill Mathewson. ‘Hopestill’ wasn’t too uncommon 300+ years ago when she lived, but the name shatters the “Iron-Y-Meter” when you learn she drowned several of her children and then herself. I guess, she didn’t have hope still.
I work in Records Management and come across some interesting names while updating peoples information. Here are a few of my favorites:
Opher Heyman
Woodthrush Fixneedler
Lucinda McBroom
Starr Battles
I’ve always been fascinated by the names of professional athletes. Some favorites (from NFL rosters):
Tyjuan Hagler; Keyaron Fox; Tebucky Jones; Shirdonya Mitchell; Kiwaukee Thomas; Laveranues Coles; Antajj Hawthorne; Ulish Booker; Dyshod Carter; Tutan Reyes; Airese Curry; Flozell Adams; Ciatrick Fason; Dontarrius Thomas; Joselio Hanson; Darnerien McCants; Juqua Thomas; Chartric Darby; Terdell Sands.
I knew a girl whose brother was named Justin Case. Unfortunately my friend married a man named Apple.
I once paid a school bill to a university accounting department employee whose name plate read Shewanna House. Honest!
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I have a neighbor named “Reid Wright” (read/write)…now that’s a fun one!
Some great names, my husbands name, Christen Christensen
My maiden name is Nickol. My brother named his daughter Nicole Nickol … she’s married now. My parents often tease me that they should have named me Penny so I would have been Penny Nickol.
I think it would have been awesome if my parents had named me any of the fabulous names in Dr. Seuss’s epic poem, “Too Many Daves” (see http://www.public.iastate.edu/~garden/seuss.html for an unofficial copy of the full text of the masterpiece).
My favorites are probably “Marvin O’Gravel Balloon Face,” and “Oliver Boliver Butt,” though “Weepy Weed” and “Soggy Muff” are pretty good too.
More ponderance on this subject on my blog here: http://mywiferules.blogspot.com/2008/03/wife-rule-24-baby-names-are-never.html
In early Southside Virginia, I have the names River Jordan (1699 - aft 1750) who named a son Over Jordan (ca 1733 - 1771) both real people in early colonial America!
We have some very unusual first/middle names in our family. Such as:
First and middle names for the girls:
Urith Mac MIllion
Hedwick
Eurella
Bergueline
Oma
Saphroney Niece
Pachence Phoebe
Chlora Vatura
Joi (pronounced Joey)
Allie Eula
Mentie Almarine
Melbaine Malinda
First and middle names for the boys:
Sewell Talmadege
Noonan Bryant
Adkerson
Granville Elihu
Neece (pronounced Knee-see)
Offie
Sackfield Lindsay
Hreha
Horace Quinney
I used to dipatch local police. A lot of times when they ask for Driver’s License info all they give is the DL# and wait to see if we will actually say the name back to them. One such instance was “Harry Beaver”, the dispatcher never missed a beat and fortunately didnt laugh until after she unkeyed the mic…
As a pediatric nurse I encounter a lot of strange names. Among my favorite first names (yes, these are real children I or my colleagues have met): Anonymous, Baby Boy, Baby Girl, Urine, Lemonjello & Orangejello (twins), and Gonorrhea. I find it an interesting trend that parents are currently choosing to name their children after attributes, such as: Knowledge, Chastity, and Virtue. I also have to admit that I am a little tired of the name Nevaeh…it’s not a bad name, but I must hear it 15 times a day, and every mother feels the need to explain that it’s “heaven” spelled backwards–sorry, but after the 200th time it loses some of it’s novelty.
I’m and OB nurse, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard of the twins Oranjello and Lemonjello. And, not only that, I’ve heard that claim to fame in 2 different states! I thought it was hilarious at first, but I really have a hard time believing that one now. Just the other day I heard from a co-worker (bad baby names are a frequent discussion on my unit) “I swear, when I worked at the health dept. in Mississippi (another state yet again), I had 2 kids, twins, named(…you guessed it), Oranjello and Lemonjello.”. I would love it if someone would just look up those names and find the real kids…because at this rate, these kids never age, frequently change sexes, and move all over the country! Peter Pan and Wendy must’ve grown up, had gender ambiguous twins, and joined the US military! On another note, when asking a patient recently what she planned to name the baby, she replied, “Maxitrillion”. It seems the new baby has 2 big brothers Maximillion and Maxibillion.
Orangejello and Lemonjello graduated from high school last year in Bryan, TX. Their names were in the paper with the graduate class. This would put them at either 18 or 19 years old. From the reading the paper, the names have not held them back as they were in the top percentage of their graduating class.
A little research in the records shows that names can be literally “all over the map.” The 1820 US Federal Census tells of a man named “Easton West,” while the England Birth Index reports one named “Weston East.” (Must be something to do with the side of the street they drive on.) Of course, we get things twisted in the US too. The 1880 Census shows a man living in Nebraska named “Star North” and in 1910 we learn of a woman named “Belle Southern” who, of course, was born in Tennesee.
AS A JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT SOME FRIENDS OF MINE I I WERE LOOKING AT THE DENVER PHONE BOOK FOR NATIVE AMERICAN AND OTHER ODD NAMES. THE ONE THAT CRACKED US UP TO THE POINT OF TEARS WAS THE ONE FOR “MRS MAGNOLIA THUNDERPUSSY” NO KIDDING AND NO JOKE !!!!!
BILL WHITMIRE
I kid you not….
A friend of mine is a doctor in Michigan. When he saw this patient file in the ER and had to go talk to the mother about her boy he brought in, the child’s first name was “Sh*thead”. Of course, he wasn’t sure what to say, but the mother explained to him that it was pronounces “Shith-ed”.
And, again, I am NOT making this up……
I worked with a lovely woman once with the sadly unfortunate name of Oneta Beaver. Seriously!
In Silicon Valley there is a family — not of Greek descent — by the name of (let’s say) Theta. Dad’s name is Beta, boy’s name is Delta, daughter’s name is Kappa, and so on. I don’t know whether they’re named in alphabetical order. As far as I know there is no Omega. As I remember, mom’s name is something like Martha.
My grandmother’s brothers were named (in this order) Isodore, Commodore, Theodore and Harvey.
My ex-husband worked at a tiny little hick town in MO.as a janitor at the local school. There were twin girls going to school there thats parents had named them Regina & Ragina[sounding ALOT like a part of female anatomy!]
I’m a middle school teacher and have a had a few strange names come through my classes:
Treasure Bow
Rayne Bowl
Indiana Jones
Swastika Sign
Stormwind Plexico
Rock Harding
Aero Smith
Starlette Shyne
Harley Davidson
Rhyme & Reahson (twins)
I once went to school with a girl named Lyric. She had some sisters name Symphony and Chorus.That is true… I am not kidding!!
How about the NBA basketball player:
World B. Free!
In Elementary School I had a Friend named Buckles.
I remember my brother went to high school with a girl named Tracy Traci Tracey (or some combination of those three names).
I went to school with Dusty (Dustin) Rhodes and Candy Bahr (pronounced BAR). I also knew girls named Taffy and Fancy. At my work, I get to see some fantastic displays of bad names: Ironi, Deziray, Phavion, Dynasty, Kharye (Carrie), Malaika, Macaria, Jarius, Genesis, Ciermada, Taiden, Tildorus, Heyzol, Trinyti, Rontrell…not to mention the usual and plentiful variations of Britney and Mackenzie and Makayla.
my eldest grandson was approx 2 weeks old when i came home from work and found my daughter (who is least weeper i know) sitting on the couch crying, hysterically. when i asked what was the matter, she replied……say his name….say his name outloud. when i said it, i began to laugh. i laughed so hard i should have used a depends. none of us had ever thought of this before. but….we probably should have. as my husband alerted me quite early that he had trouble with his name at an early age. my children had some trouble with it in school. we didnt think about it at all when both of my children became pregnant at the same time. however, as my second grandson was born 4 months after my first….they had the opportunity to try to run some interference. my eldest grandson’s name is Isaak Damian Cox. Can you imagine the horror on my daughter’s face when she realized what she had done to her child??? It was incredibly hillarious for my husband and myself as we realized the same. please be kind as i know the children at school with my, now 7 year old grandson will find, are oh so cruel.
He ought to go by his middle name — Damian Cox.
Sorry, but his first and last name combination is just to0 much for anyone not to raise eyebrows at and that is a lot for any kid to take.
One reason NOT to keep name possibilities a secret from friends and family until after the baby is born — nobody can head off such a disaster by pointing out the obvious.
Friends of ours changed their baby name from Amanda Lynn to Amanda Jean to avoid the lifetime stringed instrument mental picture.
I work in a library and a young lady with the last name is Green named her two sons Hunter and Forest!
My name is okay it is Crystal V. Powers, but what is worse is the fact that my whole name means clear virgin powers or pure virgin powers. If I google my name all you will get will be gem powers. I ask my parents to this day what they were thinking.
I love all these names, but they don’t follow the assignment. My name would be Justice B. Righteous.
My great-grandmother’s name was Minnie Lay.
I also knew a couple whose last name was Seaman, and they said if they ever had a boy, they’d name him Richard. They were perfectly happy until I pointed out his name would be Dick Seaman.
They ended up divorcing before any children were born.
There is a lady at my school whose name is Kimberly Lee. I just though it was like a toung twister.
Julia M. Roy, WA
My mother who loves fun names went to school with twins named Ima and Ura Wolfe.
Our insurance man’s name was Harry Hole.A good friend named his son Buzzy ( he as a bee keeper)
Thank Goodness our parents didn’t think it would be funny if we’d name our kids Adam,cherry or Stinky
Our last name is Baum ( every one pronounces it Bomb.) We got teased enough for just the last name alone.
We had neighbors some years ago with a son named Zarathustra Rainbow Wesolowski. His nickname was “Z”.
Many years ago, in the 60’s, I worked with a young lady who was married to an older man who was a Viet Nam vet with mental issues. They could not agree on a name for their unborn child. When she delivered an adorable little boy, her husband got access to the birth certificate before his wife. He named their son Badlands Justice (BJ for short).
While at work, my friend found the name, Rather Wilde. She thought that was funny, so she searched for more funny names that began with Rather. She was able to find: Rather Young, Rather C. Sparks and Rather B. Snotty!
I knew some boys in grade school who’s last name was Tee. Their parents named there two boys Garren and Warren, so their names being Garren Tee and Warren Tee.
My name is fairly generic and boring, so if I could change it, I would like to go with something more original like Squeegee Beckenheim. That way, when people ask your name and you tell them, they will probably think your kidding and laugh and then when they find out your weren’t kidding, they will feel really bad. You could probably get a lot of pity… and free stuff.
I would change my name to Diego de la Vega, not only does that roll off the tounge very smoothly and has an exotic sound to it, it is also the name of the character who is Zorro, one of my favorite herroes as a kid.
I have researched some of my family’s genealogy & found some interesting names. My great grandfather’s first name was Mada & middle name was Gascar (that’s right Mada Gascar). I had a great grandmother whose name was Hattie Valentine. I found several presidential/famous (as first & middle) George Washington Runner, Millard Fillmore Edens, Christopher Columbus Edens, Benjamin Franklin Bryson & a Benjamin Franklin Morgan. Below are some more interesting names I found.
Freelove
Remember
Pleasant
Thankful
Prudence
Aulga
Napoleon
Darthuly
Horatious Sylvanis Silas (that doesn’t even include his last name)
Missouri
W. Commodore (that’s his name, not his title)
Shedric
Musa
Zula
Hurdel
Opie Reade
Anneke
Dreneus
Guyney
Saluda
Webb Kermit
Trilba
Artemecia
Tennessee
Goodnight
Tinker
Hunter Runner
Rhodes Runner (I laughed so hard the first time I saw that one. Every times I see it I think “BeepBeep”
Green
Orizaba
Sankie
Dike
Oakley
Effie
Antha
Sina
America
I taught a boy named Ivey. Or, that is what he was called. He was John James Smith IV.
There was a girl at college named Holly Ivy.
I think it is funny when folks’ names go with their profession. For example, a dermatologist named Dr. Itchey.
Oh, yeah, and I had a friend who named her son Jamison after their mattress. Luckily they didn’t sleep on a Sealy Posturepedic!
I was engaged to a man who’s last name was Butt. My name would have been Barbie Brown-Butt. My cousin is Candy Kidd. I know a Peter Moore and someone that had a baby girl on 4/20 and named her Mary Jane. A brother and sister Ashley (Ash) & Tray. Bo and Hunter.
My sister, Angela, while doing her residency at a major hospital in NYC delivered a baby with the name Nasmo and middle name King. When asked by my sister how the Mother had some up with such an unusual name, she replied that she had decided to name her child by the first thing she saw after giving birth. And there it was in the delivery room, a sign that said NOSMO KING!
Two of the strangest and unfortunate names I have encountered were while working for Children and Family Services. A woman who was obtaining federal aid for her twin sons had named them: Lemonjello (LaMonjalo) and Orangejello (or-ron-ja-lo phonetically speaking). I asked how do you spell that? and she replied just like on the boxes: Lemon and Orange Jello.
While in USArmy when serving Overseas, I worked as a medical rerecords clerk and encountered the name… .Shitheada……for an unfortunate woman. I think it explains its its self…pronunciation was Shi-thed-da .
There is an almost-romantic story in my family history that relates. After his offer of marriage was turned down, my great-great-great grandfather (Richard) told the young woman that he would come back from seeking his fortune and marry her whenever she was ready. All she had to do was write him a note. Years later she sent a two word letter that said “Return Richard.” He immediately came back and they were married shortly thereafter.
Yep, they ruined the nice story when they named their first-born Return Richard.
My parents considered giving me the middle name of Lynn, which would have made me Amanda Lynn (a mandolin). I’m glad they changed their minds!
Also, for a long time I dated a guy with the last name of Lynch. While he was great, my friends warned me not to marry him: my name would have been Amanda Lynch (think Amanda Hugnkiss).
Finally, there was a little girl I knew when I was a counselor at camp, Rebecca Fish. One day, she proudly told us her middle name was Star: Rebecca Star Fish.
Oh! I also have found that it’s funny when people’s names go with their professions. My mother had a piano teacher named Mr. Musicant. I had a band teacher named Mr. Wonder, but that just made me think superhero.
I also went to school with a guy named Frank Friday. While not a pun, it still always made me giggle!
When I was pregnant, I told people who asked that I was naming my baby “Blue or Black, not sure which.” I also had a good response to the question, “What are you having?” Answer: “Puppies!”
The names I have hated most over the years are when someone’s first name is almost identical to his last name. I’ve met Johnny Johnson, Edward Edwards, Robert Robertson, etc. The worst one ever was poor little Vern Verna, Jr. How could a father who had gone through life as Vern Verna inflict the same suffering on his son?
because i am vern and i am a jr but vern was a nickname that i like and it stuck. vern is nowhere on my birthcertificate and only exists by people i tell to call me that. But i use it as a byline and it works cause people remember it.
One of the worst names I have ever heard was Stephen King(the writer)’s son, whom he named Joe King, I can’t seem to get over how horrible it is, and I can’t haelp but wonder if Mr. King named his son joking on purpose!
There is a family in the store that I work that have 3 girls, Sunshine was the first, then Luna, and finally Terra…
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we’re having a baby boy this MAy and we’re having a terrific time trying to pick a name for him, maybe you guys can give a comment, and here’s the list: North Nucleus, One ForceField, Nikolo Viktor, Vanilla Ono, or a second name after the forst name North, since my wife’s name is Noreen Maria and mine is Thomas Edison
I work for a utility company and we have some strange customer names. When they pronounce their name for the first time it is so difficult not to laugh at them. Examples: Ima B. House, Buster Cherry, Anita Nutt, Fonda Eaton, Anita Walker.
My sister went to school with a guy named Bradley B. Bradley. Rumor was that his middle name was Bradley too.
I worked as a call center agent for a company so when customers called in we had to verify their name first, I have talked to a woman named Dreama Diamond and a man whose daughters name was Ashleigh Ashley.
1920 US Census Tom Township, Benton County, Missouri, ED 8, sheet 5B, p. 211B. There is man named Logan Berry.
In RI we have a judge named Jeremiah J. Jeremiah. Some people wonder if the middle nam is also Jeremiah. In my family we have a Gardner Holland and his wife is Mahitable. Answering the phone at work one day the caller asked for what sounded like Alice Salada, I almost said, “there is no one here by that name when I realized they wanted Al Lancellotta.
I have an ancestor called Florence Nightingale Bolton, and another called Florence Nightingale Procter, I guess the lady with the lamp was popular.
At work there is also a woman with the unfortunate name Helen Highwater.
If I could pick a bad baby name for myself it would be Huggity Buckety. I like the sound.
I know a brother and sister who’s names really are Stephanie Steph and Stephen Steph. She obviously goes by Steph Steph.
On another note. My name is ALWAYS spelled wrong. Even my mother spelled it wrong. lol. She named me after her favorite character on Dynasty, who’s name was spelled Krystle…Which would have made things a lot worse. I ought to just change my name to Krystal with a K. lol.
On a different note. I have an aquaintence who’s name is Tahiti. Her brother and sister’s names are London and Paris respectively. I guess their parents thought it would be cool to name them after exotic places they had never been to.
As for most of the names in this list….I’d hate to have their names.
my brother just named his son colton,fon the Indpls Colts, and his middle name is Maximus after the Gladiator movie. At least in latin Maximus means “the great one”
When I was in elementary school, I had a fourth grade teacher by the name of Mr. Dick. I thought it was funny enough then, until I found out his first name many years later. His first name was actually Harry. Making his full name Harry Dick.
and…
I don’t know why everyone is obsessing and sympathising over people with bad names. I was born Jackson (goes by Jack) Allister Hauf (pronounced Hoff). The day I turned 21, I had my last name changed to Mehauf (pronounced Me-Hoff). Making my name Jack Mehauf. I made the decision to change my perfectly acceptable name to what it is now, and I am glad and don’t regret that I did it.
There is a man who goes to my church with the name Forrest Woods. He’s such a nice old man, but everyone does a double-take when first hearing his name.
True story … In high school we had a guy running for Student Council president … His name was Michael Litt, but went my Mike. We had a school wide assembly and all the canidate were giving there speeches … to hear the principal say, ” Next is canidate, Mike Litt” was truely priceless.
[…] This Out About Read the Press Release An excerpt from the book Assignment 1: Your Bad Baby Name Assignment 2: Name […]
There is a guy from my small town that raises chickens and named his son “Hatch”. Horrible.
I don’t need to pick a bad baby name. I already have one.
My family name is Dies (it’s actually pronounced ‘dees’ but everybody gets it wrong, so we all answer to ‘dies’ as a last name). As if that isn’t bad enough, I have cousins Wisdom Dies and Honor Dies. They got their names changed as soon as they could convince their parents that kids were making fun of them.
On another note, a friend of mine has a student named Princess Jasmine and I have an ancestor named Forest Attwood.
I work for a library and I’ve seen a few interesting names over the years. My “favorites” have been Sunny Beach and Alexi Alexander. Sunny Beach really took me by surprise though. Why oh why would you do that to your child? Growing up I also knew a family of three brothers named Imil, Jamil, and Kamil.
I worked with a person named Justin Case!1
Justin Case is a former Palmyra, NY resident
this kid in my school’s name is shithead pronounced sha-heed and his brother’s name was cashmoney pronounced cash-mo-nay. i’m not sure what their last names were but everytime the teacher would pronounce their names the whole class would crack up =]
How Kwasi Causey, II, Aporshe, but my favorite was Xochilth (pronounced social) who was a really sweet girl? And then there was Casady pronounced Chasidy — the girl wanted to change her name in middle school. Teachers really have a hard time trying to pronounce names correctly.
I like my name, but i would change it to Princess Magnavox Fridgidaire Schleppinstein. I think it’s just as “cool” and sophisticated and all those other silly names people give their kids.
Oh, and “Lemonjello, Orangello and Placenta” are urban legends. Everybody knows somebody who knows somebody who was a nurse somewhere when some poor, uneducated lady had a baby and named it after a sign or word she saw. Those same stories have been circulating for decades. My cousin told me the Lemonjello/Orangello story 20 years ago.
Oh Sarah…I know, I just replied to one of the Oranjello posts up there. Guys, just do a web search for these names. Starting with of course the aforementioned immortal citrus twins, Pajama (pay-ja-may), Nonsmoking, Female, Shithead, Asshole (as-sho-lee), Abcde (AB-cee-dee) etc. You will find that everybody and their mother’s brother has come into contact with these children, or knows a nurse, doctor, teacher who has, or who has sat next to them in class etc. And they all swear up and down it’s the truth, wouldn’t be…no couldn’t be making this up. There are some hilariously unfortunate names out there…many on this blog. But these guys…while some of them may be actual children..cannot be sighted this many times for this many years in this many places by this many different people. Just look haw many times the citrus kids have been referenced on this page alone!
No lie–in college, I was friends with a guy whose father’s name is Richard Kockler–and yes, everyone calls him Dick.
Many years ago, I had a friend whose last name was “Graves”. He always said that he would name his children “Shallow”and “Watery”. Haven’t seen him in years but I certainly hope he didn’t!
There is someone in my school who’s last name is chudyck pronounced chew-dick
hahaha i thought it was pretty funny, and @ the same time, i kinda felt bad for her
i had a band director in high school, mr. penix. richard penix. he went by…dick. dick penix.
One of the dumbest names I’ve heard for a baby recently is Gunner. The baby was given this as his first name. His middle name is his father’s name. It sounds like the poor child has a military title for a first name, followed by a first name, like Gunner John Smith, US Marines. Either that or his parents are gun collectors…
Growing up in Duncan, OK, there was a insurance salesman names Earl P. Enos who kept his name plastered across his storefront window. We always giggle when we went by and said the name fast.
I taught a boy named Clitorious. We did not give him a nickname. I also had N. S. [last name] III. I asked him what N. S. stood for and was told it was N. S. His grandfather was N. S. and his father was N. S. I always wondered if he continued the trend.
Along with Anita, I would also avoid naming girls Sandy. I personally go to church with a dear lady named Sandy Dick, and work with a Sandy Boyle.
In addition, there is a young lady at our church who is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Herian. She has married a nice man who I believe is Hmong, whose last name is Phat. She hyphenated her, and their son’s last name to - you guessed it - Herian-Phat. Within the walls of our home we always refer to the child as the Herian-Phat baby. And snicker.
When I worked at a job a few years ago, I had to correspond occassionally with a man in New York by the name of Richard Head. He went by Richard.
My husband was close friends with a boy in high school whose name was Kent Reed. We tried to pay a visit a few years ago, but he was in prison. Go figure.
I had a very dorky algebra teacher in the 9th grade in Pacific Beach Junior High in Pacific Beach CA, who went by the name Jim James. One can only guess that Jim was a nickname of James. He had an extremely gummy smile and, I think now, a stutter that resulted in him repeating “take ‘n take ‘n take” several times in every sentence. Kids made fun of him mercilessly.
And one more. My husband and I were stationed on Guam in the 80s along with an Air Force Captain whose last name was Pickel. Apparently it was supposed to be pronounced Pick-L, with the emphasis on the last syllable, but everyone called him Pickle. Captain Pickle, that is. While we were there, Captain Pickel got married to a wonderful lady named Patricia. To this day I think about Patty Pickle and smile. I don’t know if they had any children, but they could name them Hamburger, Sour, Dill, Sweet, and Kosher, if they did.
A lady with whom I work has a daughter-in-law who was working as a substitute teacher in a grade school. One day, she was taking roll and trying to learn the names in the class when she came across names she couldn’t figure out how to pronounce for twin boys in the class. She turned to one of the boys and politely asked him how to pronounce his name. The names were Orangejello and Lemonjello - pronounced as O-ron-gelo and La-mon-gelo.
How about these……Philip Dingle and Annie Lipshitz
E.T. came out over 25 years ago, and I have been asked if I want to phone home ever since. With that in mind, i would change my name to the much more anonymous “Super DJ Doktor Cool Ice MC Run.”
I taught a family with children “A” (Yep, just the letter- a girl) and “Breaker” (a boy).
If I decided to change my name, it would probably be to something hopelessly international, like “Catalina Kumiko Streissmann Huong.” As it is, with “Kelsey Harrington” I occasionally threaten to marry a Worthington, hyphenate, move to Arlington, Washington, and name my children Hamilton and Kensington.
I met a woman at my workplace whose name was Bimberly and her twin sister was Kimberly. A woman I work with knew a girl when she was growing up whose name was Vagina. What were they thinking!!!
I would change my name to Peace Lovan Harmony. I just like it.
I went to grade school with a Seymour Butts. I kid you not. My Principles name was Harry Scmidtz. Harry Dick Schmidtz that is.